Authors are terribly insecure creatures.
Seriously. It could almost be the dictionary definition –
Author (noun): strange person who talks to imaginary people in their head. Also a heaving mass of doubt and uncertainty.
Past successes, great reader reviews for my earlier books and even fan letters don’t help when I send a new book (or short story) out into the world. Ten seconds after I hit the ‘send’ button’, I am convinced it is the worst thing I have ever written and will never sell.
You would think that an editor saying how much she loved it and making an offer would change all that. No.
You would think that a signed contract would change all that. But it doesn’t.
I wake up each morning expecting this to be the day I get the e-mail saying… Sorry. We meant some other Janet Gover and some other book/story.
So – when does it become real? When do I start believing that this child of my slightly disordered brain is actually going out into the world?
That happens when some stranger is able to see my book – and hopefully buy it.
It’s sad, I know, but it all becomes real for me when my book goes up on Amazon.
I’ve just had two Amazon moments. My next novel Flight To Coorah Creek is now available for pre-order. And the Choc Lit Love Match anthology has gone up – with a Coorah Creek short story in it.
It’s too late now for it to be a mistake – or a dream. It’s out there.
This, of course brings a whole new set of insecurities… What if no-one likes it? But that will happen on publication day. Today is to just enjoy knowing that it’s real.
Tomorrow, I will be sending off a new book to my editor. Ten seconds after I hit the ‘send’ button’, I will be convinced is the worst thing I have ever written and she will hate it and no-one will ever want to buy it or read it….
Sigh!
Comments
8 responses to “When is it real?”
Brilliant! I couldn’t have put it better myself.
Thanks Cally – so glad I’m not the only one who feels this insecure.
It’s great to know I’m not the only one 🙂
We could form a support group for writers and their various phobias. 🙂
I found your blog posed such an interesting question for me, Janet. I don’t know what I feel, really. Excited when I see the cover up on Amazon, certainly! Desperately hopeful that it will sell well and that the reviews will reflect a reader’s pleasure, meaning that my editor and publisher can cling to to the faith that its rankings will improve sufficiently to justify backing me. And that they’ll contract another book from me.
I developed such a thick skin over 23 years of writing rejections before my first book was published in 2009. That was hugely exciting, the most exciting being to see it in libraries as my first three books were expensive hard covers that were mostly for the library trade. I forced myself to ignore rankings because they’d just reinforce the fact that I worked very hard for not a lot of return.
With my latest book – and first book with Choc Lit – it feels quite different. The Reluctant Bride was released yesterday and I have so much hope that it will be received unlike any book I’ve written.
So I’d say that ‘hope’ is the main word I’d associate with having a new book out.
Congrats on the release of The Reluctant Bride Beverley – the cover is lovely and it sounds like a great read.
Your comment about libraries is interesting. I saw one of my earlier books in a library not all that long ago. a paperback looking a little tatty and well-thumbed. All I could think was – wow, people have been reading my book!
That’s such an amazing feeling.
So very well expressed, Janet, and I think will strike a chord with most writers. My own moment of reality comes when I first see and hold the actual printed book.
That is a special moment, Margaret. I remember when my first proof of my first book was delivered. I snatched it out of the postman’s hand, burst into tears and shut the door in his face. I apologised to him the next day and showed him why.
I like reading e-books and love my Kindle but as e-books continue to increase in popularity, I have to say that as an author, I would miss that feeling of holding my book in my hand.