Authors are terribly insecure creatures.
Seriously. It could almost be the dictionary definition –
Author (noun): strange person who talks to imaginary people in their head. Also a heaving mass of doubt and uncertainty.
Past successes, great reader reviews for my earlier books and even fan letters don’t help when I send a new book (or short story) out into the world. Ten seconds after I hit the ‘send’ button’, I am convinced it is the worst thing I have ever written and will never sell.
You would think that an editor saying how much she loved it and making an offer would change all that. No.
You would think that a signed contract would change all that. But it doesn’t.
I wake up each morning expecting this to be the day I get the e-mail saying… Sorry. We meant some other Janet Gover and some other book/story.
So – when does it become real? When do I start believing that this child of my slightly disordered brain is actually going out into the world?
That happens when some stranger is able to see my book – and hopefully buy it.
It’s sad, I know, but it all becomes real for me when my book goes up on Amazon.
I’ve just had two Amazon moments. My next novel Flight To Coorah Creek is now available for pre-order. And the Choc Lit Love Match anthology has gone up – with a Coorah Creek short story in it.
It’s too late now for it to be a mistake – or a dream. It’s out there.
This, of course brings a whole new set of insecurities… What if no-one likes it? But that will happen on publication day. Today is to just enjoy knowing that it’s real.
Tomorrow, I will be sending off a new book to my editor. Ten seconds after I hit the ‘send’ button’, I will be convinced is the worst thing I have ever written and she will hate it and no-one will ever want to buy it or read it….
Sigh!